This is a shot of our processional crucifix and the High Altar in out beautiful chapel.
(Thanks to Darrell Miller.)
I am at this moment right in the midst of a one day silent retreat here at St. Mary's.
We have a little "alone" time before we end with Vespers, Adoration, and Benediction, and I thought it would be a good chance to finally write a few thoughts about being in seminary.
I'm not quite sure what I expected before I got here, because I consciously avoided trying to imagine what it is like. I'm very glad that I came with few preconceived notions.
The main thing I am most aware of a great deal of the time is the miracle of my being here at all. When I look back over the wreckage of my past, especially the years in New Orleans, I am in awe of God's Providence. I ran from Him as hard as I could possibly run for about 22 years, and He didn't abandon me; in fact, despite all the pain, danger, and sin, He protected me. I should be dead; instead, I'm in priestly formation. I may never fully get my head around that. His mercy does indeed endure forever.
Although my life has radically changed over the last 90 days--first moving into Borromeo House on the 1st. of July, then getting here on the Feast of the Assumption-- I feel like I have adjusted pretty well. It has been a monumental change, but it doesn't really feel like it. I guess all the stuff I've been through over the years has made me more flexible and adaptable than I thought I was.
Thats not to say it has been easy. Our time is very full here, and I struggle with time management (never one of my strengths); I also struggle with smoking, eating too much, and a number of other besetting sins. But I am managing with God's help, and I fully expect that He will continue to give me the grace to improve, as I am open to receive it. In a way this is going to be a long 7 years...yet I pray that one day I will look back on these entries as a priest and wonder where in the world all that time went.
When I was discerning my vocation I had a lot of "wants". I wanted to go to a diocese closer to my family; I wanted to go to a more tradition-oriented seminary. But the longer I am here the more I am beginning to realize that God has me right where He wants me. As far as He is concerned, this is the perfect place...and that is all that matters.
My brother seminarians amaze me. To the last man, they are all devout and serious lovers of Jesus. Not all of us will likely make it to priesthood; statistically and for various reasons some of us will leave. But I have yet to meet even one that I don't think is called to be here. Each of them is an encouragement and an inspiration, and I have begun to develop friendships that I hope will be lifelong.
Our priestly staff is top notch. I am learning so much from them about what priesthood and walking with Christ means-- the joys, the struggles, the riches and the sorrows. Some of them have been ordained over 50 years ! What a treasure trove of wisdom to draw on.
The academic staff is great too. Yes, I have a couple of professors who grate on my orthodoxy. Sometimes I experience the "gnashing of teeth." But I have been put in front of them for a reason; they have something to teach that I need to learn. I am trying to be open-minded and just listen. Even when its "bad", it isn't really bad. This is perhaps God's way of telling me not to be such a Pharisee.
The common prayer we share here is incredible. Morning and Evening Prayer, daily Mass, the rosary, Exposition and Benediction...it is so fulfilling to be immersed into this constant rhythm of prayer with the whole Church. What a blessing. I have hungered for this for a very long time.
Well, my time's up : 5 pm is Vespers. Just a little taste of St. Mary's, which I hope to expand upon regularly. I truly want this to be a spiritual journal of my experience here. With God leading the way, its going to be quite an adventure.
Anyone reading this (besides the faithful Mickie !), please pray for me !
