Benedic, anima mea

Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.
Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:
Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;
Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

~ Ps. 103 : 1-5


It has been way too long, once again, since I've written. As a spiritual journal of my seminary formation, this has so far been a miserable failure. But I don't want to gripe about it now; it doesn't do any good, and this is supposed to be an entry about gratitude. So I will start out by thanking God (and Neish !)for my computer, and the fact that I have a blog, and that I have the fingers to type with, and the mind to form the words, and a seminary formation to write about at all. I hope God will be able to ive me the grace and desire to do a better job of writing in it in the future, but for now I am thankful.

We are having another silent Day of Recollection today, given by one of our professors, Fr. Nesti. Up until now I barely knew him, since I haven't a class with him yet ("Prayer" next semester will be my first, and I am truly looking forward to it, for he is a fantastic presenter.) The topic has been "Gratitude", certainly appropriate for this time of year. Sadly my Pre-Theology I brothers and I had to miss the morning session due to class, but this afternoon's was great. We will finish up with Solemn Vespers and Holy Hour at 5pm.

This fits into my life so well now. Thanksgiving is coming up, and a trip to Austin to spend at Borromeo House, and with various Catholic and Evangelical friends; at Christmas I will have a whole 2 weeks+ in Virginia, a tremendous blessing (thanks, Baxter !) I have been moved by the Spirit lately to find and contact some of the people from way back in the depths of my life who have had such a salutary effect on my faith and my vocation, and I hope to begin getting those emails out as the next week progresses : Jim Tongue, Ed Gant, Ben Duffey, Rod Caulkins; Sister Vera Butler, Brother Walter, Fr. Stanley Klores...the list is long, but I must thank these good folks who did their best to model Christ in my life. These are just people from my distant past, of course; I have many more with whom I still have regular contact, and I am eternally grateful to them as well.

Fr Nesti told us to make a list of all the things for which we are grateful, but I can honestly say that a list that exhaustive would take days to complete. There are al the usual things, of course : my health, my brain, my faith; my family, friends, and Church. My sobriety, now coming up on 5 years, and my vocation; my acceptance into the seminary, the relative ease with which I have embarked on this journey. But he told us to list things we would normally consider "bad" as well, so here goes.

I am sincerely grateful that I am an alcoholic, that I was homeless for so many years, that I was incarcerated close to 100 times; that I spent 14 years without a driver's license, that I have known and cared about people who have died drunk; that I was for a long time an Anglican, and that I had a thorough immersion in Evangelicalism; that I was never married, or ever even in a healthy romantic relationship; that I have scars from drinking that I will carry to my grave; that I "wasted" 20 years of my life. This list could go on for awhile, also. Many of these are counter-intuitive...why would anyone be grateful for that ? Yet I know that these things have shaped me in powerful ways. I would not be the man I am today if it weren't for these things. Some may have been willed directly by God; surely all of them are things that God will put to good use in the years to come.

Times up. Too short of an entry for this topic...hopefully there will be more in the next week.